Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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