Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
a search helicopter?!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
