I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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