why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
