we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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