You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
