I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
