Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
