Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Everclear isn't food dammit
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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