I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
