I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Randomize
