WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
