We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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