you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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