I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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