My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
