so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
