Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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