it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
pop tarts are not kleenex
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
