Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My life is pants optional.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize