I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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