So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
