That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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