Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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