But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
