The maid of honor just puked.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
