I bet he comes in French.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
