i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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