Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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