so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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