So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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