Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize