Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
