was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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