look no pants
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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