Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
