Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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