Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You may now shotgun with the bride
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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