Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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