i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
