Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you had me at cake vodka
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
