If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
