At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let's get the cat blown out
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
