I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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