God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
