whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
