I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
