was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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