I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
