i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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