C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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