So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
