That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
