who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
