Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
