Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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