True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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