I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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