My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
