I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
