it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
