Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
