Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
