Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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