You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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