we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
