Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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