i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm at about main and main street
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
