Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
