a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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