I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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