Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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