ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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