In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
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