i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
