haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
